The Doctor Down Under
by Rose Kelvin
Summary: This is about two girls who meet the 10th doctor and the chaos that follows. Written by the unbelievably usless Beta of ThePurpleGod - of discontinuation, but im not promising nothing
1. Chapter 1: The Meeting

**_The Doctor Down Under_**

**Author's Notes:**

Hello anyone bothering to read this  
you should know 2 things  
#1  
I'm an awful writer and simply bored, hence I am writing this story  
#2  
spelling and grammar shall be deplorable in this story, get over it and go away if you can't take the thousand or so mistakes

WARNING:  
I'm inconsistent and really bad at the whole author thing, so if I ever update this then you should run for the apocalypse will be about to destroy the earth  
also the rating is for later chapters, just a precaution really.

DISCLAMER:  
I quite obviously don't own anything doctor who except the D.V.D"s.

10th doctor: you know you're really quite cynical

author: yeah, yeah, I know, pessimist, cynical, blah, so I'm realistic and have a low self esteem, shut up!

10th doctor: I bet the stories actually good

me: cha, right. Think what you want to think and let the poor person read the story

10th Doctor: you know this whole thing is probably going to be full of paradox"s

Lily rose who is me: purr-lease, your whole existence is pretty much a paradox

10th doctor: ... point taken

Chapter 1: The Meeting

"I am bored."  
"You're always bored."  
"Yeah well I'm more bored then I was before I was this bored so ha!"  
Ella rolled her eyes at her bored friend, Willow as they walked down the stairs to the place where they were going.  
"Do you hear something?" asked Willow, flicking her red hair out of her face. Ella looked up for the book that she was now apparently reading and said.  
"You know I could swear that was the TARDIS."

"We are SO obsessed and…now we are hallucinating," said Willow as the TARDIS appeared.  
"Well that was unpredicted." said Willow as the 10th doctor stepped out of the wooden box.  
"Oh, crash landing, I love a crash landing, always fun, got no idea where you are... well unless you were looking at the map... well unless the map was broken... well my map never breaks, not that I have one so i suppose it doesn't matter... oh hello!" he said, finally noticing the two teenage girls standing in front of him. "I'm the Do-"  
"Doctor, yeah we know." said Willow, still bored.  
"We know who you are alien boy." said Ella rolling her eyes.

"You're sure you're not getting me confused with Harriet Jones?"  
"Nah, we know who she is too." said Willow sitting down on the park bench that had been there for the past two minutes unnoticed.  
"How do you know me, I don't know you! Why would I want to know you?!….that was rude." He ran a hand through his hair, "Oh its Sally Sparrow all over again... well," he jerked his head to the right, "Queen Elizabeth too I suppose..." said the Doctor also sitting down.  
"You must have crossed universes, in this universe you're a fictional character in books and a TV show." said Ella climbing up and sitting in the branch of a purple tree.

"So where am I anyway?"  
"Australia," the girls answered in non-perfect unison.  
"Ooh, I've never been to Australia, aren't you people down under supposed to be all 'mate' and riding on kangaroos and stuff?" asked the doctor.  
"Ella, you going punch him or should I?"  
"Doctor, don't stereotype us; it's not actually like that. Anyway, while you're here, can we come for a ride in the TARDIS?" asked Ella.  
"Oh, I don't think so..."  
"Willow..." and Willow proceeded to knock the Doctor out with a random crowbar she found behind the bench.

And yet more notes:

And that is the first of what may or may not be a long random series

I can tell you that  
a) I will not be updating for at least a week because I am going on camp.  
2) the next chapter will involve herbal teas  
iii) yes I know my list is weird  
d) yeah the chapters will probably always be this short and this blunt/random

alright, I shall now go away and let you get on with your life

no you cannot have the time you spent reading this story back

MWAH HA AH HA AH

oh and one more this

I'm going to credit my beta known on fan fiction (dot) net as the purple god and on whofic (dot) net as the real purple god

She's the one who made it so this story was understandable: D


	2. Chapter 2: The Plan

Chapter 2: The Plan

Disclaimer:  
I own doctor who, I wrote it and I film it and it's awsome. I'm all 7 foot tall and blue.

OF COURSE I DON"T OWN DOCTOR WHO

Warning:  
the following contains violence, swearing and drug use... well the violence is the steering of the TARDIS, oh and a slight -cough- mention of killing and the distruction of the world... and the swearing is more of a promise... and the drugs are kind of herbal teas... but still, you have been warned!

Chapter 2: The Plan

"We're in the TARDIS, we're in the TARDIS, everyone will hate us because we're flying the TARDIS!"

"Willow…no." said Ella, rolling her eyes at her insane redhead friend.

"There were 2 human kids in the TARDIS and Willow said 'push the button, push the button' so they all pushed the button and the earth blowed up!" sang Willow.

"WILLOW!"

"Fine then." retorted Willow rather originally poking her tongue out. "So what should we do? We. Are. In. The. TARDIS!!!! World domination?"

"Too cliché." said Ella dismissively, pulling a random lever on the TARDIS controls to see what happened, and causing Willow to crash into one of the walls which was now there.

"Ow, thanks a lot!"

"No problem."

"Ergh, alright, how about we go and see the future?" said Willow grinning insanely, getting up and sitting on the green chair next to the reading lamp.

"Eh, that'd spoil the whole surprise though..." said Ella pulling the hand break and letting the TARDIS float along in the continuum.

"For a second there I thought you were going to say 'spoilers'." said Willow shuddering.

".God. We should go and kill River Song!" said Ella excitedly, sitting on the couch.

"Oh, we sooooo should... but how are we going to kill a character that's fictional in our world?" asked Willow grabbing a random book of the shelf and chucking it away.

"Well... we could have her written out of the script somehow... or kill the actor, but that's a little extreme." said Ella picking up the book that had been thrown and looking at the cover.

"Whoa, this is Tom Riddles diary! VOLDEMORT WAS IN THE TARDIS!"

"Oh, we could use him in our evil plan! We could make sure River Song was never written and Voldemort can blow her up! Oh, but how do we make sure River Song is never written... that would cause a massive paradox!" said Willow, eyes lighting up, and a insane grin adorning her face at the idea of a paradox.

"You know, normal people wouldn't find the thought of a paradox fun." said the Doctor dryly.

"Well we're not exactly normal Ella."

"Willow, that wasn't me..." said Ella turning around to find the doctor standing on the Olympic platform with his awesome sonic screwdriver.

"Damn, I forgot to take the screwdriver off him." said Willow snapping her fingers.

The Doctor jumped of the platform threateningly, and so Ella pushed the big orange button and the anvil fell right in front of the doctor so that Willow could grab the screwdriver and handcuff the doctor to the signpost.

"Willow, you complete idiot, he almost... erm... what exactly were you planning to do to two innocent-"

Willow and the doctor both raised their eyebrows.

"... Sort of not really innocent 13 year old girls." Ella finished shrugging.

"Well I could have just dumped you in the 1850s or something... well probably not... well maybe... well… no…but I would have done something." said the Doctor defensively. Ella rolled her eyes.

"Sure you would have, Doctor. Anyway, we were just discussing paradoxes I believe." said Willow sitting down on the red armchair and pouring some herbal tea for her sore head.

"Yes, indeed. Tea Doctor?" asked Ella.

"Yes, thanks." said the Doctor taking the tea and trying to drink it with his handcuffed hands.

"Anyway, we could make a paradox machine... but then again, that's been done, we need something original. Well okay, how about this, if we can't kill River Song, let's have it that she actually dies in that episode. That wouldn't be a paradox!" said Willow, picking up a pen and drawing a skull onto her hand.

"Ooh, yes, but how should she die..." said Ella grinning insanely.

"Hey, hang on, do I get a say in this!?" asked the Doctor indignantly.

"No." said Ella and Willow shortly.

"OOH, I'VE GOT IT!" said Ella proudly.

"Got what? The flu, timey-wimey detector, a banana?"

"No you idiot, a way to kill River off! We should soooooo re-write the script so that she..."

And I'm going to stop it there, just to annoy you all!

MWAH HA AH AHA

In the next chapter their shall be

a) I'll update in the next few days while I have no homework –woot-  
2) the next chapter will have VERY random ideas  
iii) Voldy will not appear  
d) chicken

Alright, I'll update soon, read and review!

OH

And my beta, The Purple God also known as The Real Purple God is still awesome and edited this into this so YAY


	3. Chapter 3: The Plot

Disclaimer:

I don't own doctor who, I want to own doctor who, I have an evil plot to eventually own doctor who, but alas, at the moment I remain just a fan xD

Warning:

The following scenes may scare younger readers, they contain mention of death and two insane teenagers and swearing, read at ur own risk.

_Last time in _The Doctor Down Under:

"No you idiot, a way to kill River off! We should re-write the script so that she..."

Chapter 3: The Plot

"…chokes on wizz fizz." Finished Ella with a flourish.

".God. That is the best idea you've had in the last five minutes!' said Willow jumping for joy then quickly stopping as that is far too cliché for this story.

"Wait, it gets better. She shall choke on wizz fizz, and then, just for the fun of it, we can have her eyes pecked out by a chicken!" said Ella grinning insanely. "Ergh, I can't grin insanely like you can, grin insanely for me!" and so Willow grinned insanely.

"OOH AT THE SAME TIME!!!! AND THEN WE CAN GET TOM RIDDLE TO _BLOW_ HER UP, MWAH HA AH HA AH HA!!!" said Willow looking a tad too insane...

"But wait, how on Galifrey are you going to manage that?" asked the Doctor, leaning purposefully against the signpost.

"Ergh, no, Doctor don't lean purposefully, it's far to Martha-ish." Said Ella shaking her head.

"Eh, what?" asked the Doctor, still leaning purposefully.

"That word, purposefully, it's just so Martha-ish. Like that line she says in the episode. "Not pompous at all then." It's very Martha purposeful." Ella explained.

"You know, I've just realized how ridiculous this is. I'm a bleeding time lord little girls have managed to capture my TARDIS and handcuff me to a signpost!" said the Doctor who was sufficiently ignored for the purposes of this story.

"Ok Willow, let's work out the finer details of this plot of ours!" said Ella, grabbing some paper and a pen.

"FINALLY!" shouted Willow, bouncing off the ceiling and sitting on the purple pillow.

_**Ella and Willow's Evil Plot of **__**World Domination**__** Killing Off River Song for Almost Ever**_

_**Step 1:**_

**Fly the TARDIS to the place and time where they filmed the Doctor Who episode Forest of the Dead … and Silence in the Library (note: in order to complete this step, find out where they film Doctor Who)(also note: we shall re-write Silence in the Library as well to make River Song look bad)**

_**Step 2:**_

**Find the script writers and handcuff them to the signpost. (note: stock up supply of handcuffs)**

_**Step 3:**_

**Re-write script to make River Song look bad/die of wizz fizz and chicken poking-in-her-eye. (note: if we manage to figure out the misery of Riddle's diary and get Voldy to come along, we shall have River Song be blowed up by Voldy because he is allergic to wiz fizz and panicked, ending in kablomish consequences)**

_**Step 4:**_

**Burn this list and if possible, avoid the blame of steps 1 through 3 (note: if the second part of this step proves impossible, blame the Doctor whom is… cough… writing this yes… cough) **

And that is where it ends for now, MWAH HA HA HA HA

a) remember when I said I could update? You hate teachers too? Cuz on that day I got 2 essays, 3 chinese test and a maths test to study for. Isn't fate nice? Anyway, this time I shall not say I can update soon, but I hope I can xD  
2) the next chapter will probably be short because the one after will probably be long  
iii) Voldy so should be allergic to wiz fizz  
d) kablomish – verb/adjective  
meaning – something that has just about to or has just exploded going BOOM in the process.

ok, please review! Bye bye now

my beta is awesome and she is much faster at writing, check out her stories instead of reading my ones!


	4. Chapter 4: High Explosives

Disclaimer:

I don't Doctor Who yet; the first evil plan backfired when I found out that they don't sell high explosives at Safeway L

Warning:

This Chapter is short, sorry about that. Also, I mention killing a lot in this… sorry about that

Chapter 4: High Explosives

Ella grinned insanely at the finished copy of the wonderfully evil plan. Willow grinned insanely at the finished copy of the wonderfully evil plan. The Doctor grinned insanely at the- ...wait a second…

"I DIDN'T WRITE THIS! HOW COME IT SAYS I WROTE THIS!?"

"And we thought you were smart Doctor." Said Ella shaking her head disappointedly.

"We Are Framing You." said Willow slowly, pointing to herself and Ella, then grabbing a photo of the Doctor in a frame… the photo was also in a frame.

"I KNOW THAT!"

"Then why did you bother asking?" asked Willow, grabbing the another piece of paper off him.

"Ok, what are the materials we are going to need for this?" she asked, sitting at the writing desk.

The Materials Needed to Carry Out Ella and Willow's Evil Plot of World Domination Killing Off River Song for Almost Ever

1. High explosives – to get into the set and hopefully blow up River Song… if Voldy doesn't show

2. Crowbar – always good for knocking people out

3. Writing Implements – if we get there and have nothing to change the script with we'll blow up the studio with the high explosives

4. Wizz Fizz- yeah, the killing tool could be useful in the killing you know?

5. A list with four things looks stupid.

"Alright, where are we going to get high explosives? We have everything else.. oh, 'cept Wizz Fizz." Pondered Ella.

"Well, this TARDIS must have high explosives somewhere, Wizz Fizz too probably! Let's search the place!" grinned Willow enthusiastically.

"Hey, wait a second! It's my TARDIS! You can't just go taking whatever you want!" said the Doctor indignantly. Ella rolled her eyes.

"We're framing you for… umm… script changing and fictional murder… yeah… so I think we can take a few explosives from your TARDIS without you stopping us!" said Willow as Ella pressed a button that said, HIGH EXPLOSIVES, DO NOT PRESS.

And then the explosives appeared.

"Found the explosives! YAY!"

"What about the Wizz Fizz…" said Willow.

"Well… maybe in the other glove compartment…"

"Nope."

"Under the seats?"

"Nup."

"In the bouncy ball room?"

"Er, no."

"What about the sweets room?"

"EUREKA!"

Told ya it was gonna be short, sorry L

Alright so

a) I wrote another chapter in my Harry Potter Story, and it helped my Writers block! WOOT  
2) the next chapter should be a lot longer.  
iii) High Explosives are dangerous and shouldn't actually be used in real life, please don't be influenced by my causal use of them in the story xD  
d) next chapter shall include Time Lines

review

thepurplegod is awesome she edited this even though she's sick, go her!

bye bye now

Lilyrosexd


	5. Chapter 5: Writers and Braces

Disclaimer: I still don't own doctor who. –witty reason as to why-

Warning: Chainsaws, braces, and disgrace to the colour purple are included in this chapter, read carefully.

Chapter 5: Writers and Braces

"We have the Wizz Fizz, we have the explosives, we have writing stuff, we have a crowbar… we have a list with 5 things on it! Ok, we're good to go." Said Ella leaping up from the jumpseat and changing the controls on the console.

'WAIT!" said the Doctor. Willow sighed.

"What is it, Doctor?"

"Do you realize that going into the past can affect the future?! You could change the future of the human race!" Ella and Willow glanced at each other, raising their eyebrows.

"And…?" asked Ella pulling the hand brake of the TARDIS.

"I should have known it wasn't going to be that easy." Sighed the Doctor.

"You know, we have to find a way to shut him up." Said Willow thoughtfully as the TARDIS journeyed through the time vortex.

"You know, I think your right Willow… what's something that would shut him up?" asked Ella, pushing another button to stop the TARDIS, River Song could wait a minute.

"Well… what stops you from talking?" asked Willow thinking.

"Humm… a gag … no… false teeth… teeth… no teeth?" Ella reeled off, also thinking.

"NO!" shouted the Doctor, struggling against the handcuffs. "I love these teeth!"

"OH! BRACES!" Willow said triumphantly.

"Ooh, yes, yes, yes. We should so give the Doctor braces!" said Ella ecstatically.

"Ooh, braces, I've always wanted to straighten out that one tooth at the back of my mouth, oh and the colours! Can I have blue?" asked the Doctor excitedly, now grinning like a 5 year old.

"Erm, no. you're getting clear, blue is too expensive!" said Ella rolling her eyes. The Doctor's face dropped.

"CLEAR?! Aww." He whined and pouted, sounding like a two year old.

And so Ella and Willow took the Doctor to the freaky fan girl dentist with a chainsaw.

~#* two hours later *#~

"Ish Hursts."

"eh?"

"I-s-t h-u-r-t-s-h" said the Doctor slowly through his aching mouth.

"What?" asked Willow innocently. The Doctor simply rolled his eyes.

"Well that worked well." Said Ella grinning as the three got back into the TARDIS.

"You know doctor, you really are being unimaginative, you could have, oh I dunno, run away by now?" said Willow, once again handcuffing the doctor to the signpost.

"Ish nosh as fun dat 'ay" said the doctor thickly.

"Forget she asked." Said Ella rolling her eyes, "You know this could be even more annoying. Anyway, we've stalled for far too long, let us go and kill River Song!" she finished, pressing three buttons, pulling six leavers and flicking the hand brake, they were on their way to the place where they write doctor who.

"A house? How original, they wrote that episode in a house." Said Willow, jumping out of the TARDIS and looking through the crack in the door of the cupboard in the house.

"Oh a house, quite a nice house too. Humm, lets see… high explosives or crowbar?" asked Ella holding out a bomb and a purple crowbar.

"ooh, tough choice… crowbar." Willow decided grinning evilly.

Then they burst though the door of the cupboard into the room with the writers. Writer #1 was a blonde wearing a disgraceful purple dress. Writer #2 was a balding man wearing yellow sock with disgraceful purple converse. And Writer #3 was a middle aged women with disgraceful purple hair held together with two very disgraceful purple gel pens.

Ella and Willow stopped for a second.

"Is it your goal in life to be the ultimate disgrace to purple?" asked Willow dizzily.

"Good JoJo I can't even look at them!" said Ella shielding her eyes. "We have come to blow you up, hit you with crowbars, and/or handcuff you to a signpost in the TARDIS, you pick." Said Ella wearily, still not looking at the disgracefulness.

"I should have known you would all be disgraces to purple, you River Song creators." Said Willow.

"Well I think I'll be tied to the sign post thanks." Said Writer #2 and Writer #1 and #3 nodded in agreement.

"Oh come on! Where's the fun in that?" asked Ella, and Willow proceeded to knock them all out with her not-so-disgraceful purple crowbar.

Authors Note:

Did I say that was going to be a long chapter?

…

Was it a long chapter?

…

~#*goes and checks*#~

OH YEAH, GO ME! That was twice as long and the last chapter! YAYFUL

Ok so…

a) Disgrace to Purple-  
I give full credit to the disgracness of purple to thepurplegod, it is she whom decides what is disgraceful and what is acceptable in its purple awesomeness. Anything I came up with has been cleared through her xD  
a2) I would like to take the time to point out the awesomeness is an actual word, WHICH IS SO FREAKING AWESOME, I DID'NT KNOW THAT!  
2) I would like to say that my writers #1, #2 and #3 are completely fictional, don't worry real writers, I'm not basing them off you… cough… I hope…  
iii) please note that dentists are people too, and just because mine happened to have a chainsaw, not all of them do, don't worry!  
d) You know how I said that this would include time lines? Yeah well the times lines crap was boring, so I wrote about freaky dentists and disgraceful writers instead, hope you don't mind!

there we go, read and review

HELLO, READ DOWN HERE, YES LOOK HERE, THANK YOU!

Right, hopefully that got everyone's attention, I would like to say, that because I am pathetic and just got back to school, hence needing an excuse not to update every few days (like I do anyway, but it's nice to have an excuse) I have decided that until I get at least 5 reveiws for this chapter, I will not write anything else, so if you want to see whats gonna happen next REVIEW

Bye bye now

ThePurpleGod is awesome

Bye bye

LilyRoseXD


	6. Chapter 6: The Evil Script

Disclaimer: My awesome disclaimer proves nothing, for all you know, I could own doctor who xD

Warning: Contains Voldy and Chickens

Chapter 6: The Evil Script

"MWAH HA AH HA! OUR EVIL PLAN WORKED!" said Willow triumphantly.

"WE GET TO RE WRITE THE SCRIPT NOW!" said Ella excitedly sitting down at the polka dot table in the middle of the writing room in the TARDIS in which Willow and Ella were sitting and The Doctor and the three disgraceful knocked out writers were handcuffed to the giant fan.

_**Ella and Willow's evil script of **__**Killing Off River Song for Almost Ever **__**any episode including or mentioning River Song **_

_**River Song's Death Scene**_

"**Doctor, this is my time, I must die, if not only to save you." **

(Willow would like to cut in here and say that this makes River Song look honorable and she doesn't like it)

(Ella would like to cut in here and add that she deserves one decent-ish line, if not utterly cliché, so that when she has her eyes pecked out by chickens she can pretend to die with dignity)

(Willow would like to cut in and add she hates Ella for bringing logic into this)

(Ella would like to continue the script)

"**River, I can't blame you for wanting to kill yourself, the person that you are, but I am so brilliant that I might actually feel guilt if you died!" said the Doctor imploringly. **

"**But Doctor, this is the only way! The Wiz Fizz will kill us all if I don't attempt to swallow it! It's the Avash… Avashta…" The Doctor rolled his eyes.**

"**Vashta Nerada." **

"**Right those, it's their life source! I must do this!"**

(Ella would like to insert GET ON WITH THE BLOODY DEATH WILLOW)

"… **fine then, hurry up and swallow the poisonous Wiz Fizz.'**

(Willow would like to insert, poisonous? Nice touch)

**And so River Song swallowed the poisonous Wiz Fizz… sort of. **

"**ARGH! I'M CHOCKING!" **

**That's when the chickens appeared from the shadows that were Vashta Nerada less. **

"**ARGH! CHICKENS ARE POKING MY –COUGH- EYES OUT!"**

**The Doctor looks at River Idiot disdainfully. **

"**If you hadn't handcuffed me to a wall you wouldn't be in the situation!" he pointed out negatively. **

"**ARGH!" shouted River. **

**That's when Voldemort appeared. **

"**VOLDEMORT! –strangle- AHHHH!" **

"**WIZ FIZZ! AHHHH!" screamed Voldemort girlishly. "-cough- I mean, ARGH!" he shouted guyishly. He grabbed out his wand and blew up the entire two meters that surrounded River… not actually hitting River, only a few Chickens. **

"**WHAT WAS –cough- THE POINT OF –choke- THAT?!"**

(Ella would like to point out, umm, what WAS the point of that?)

(Willow would like to say, dramatic climax, duh!)

"**I'm allergic to Wiz Fizz okay? I can't aim properly!" said Voldemort who for the purposes of time and awaking writers shall now be called Voldy. **

**The chickens have now succeeded in poking out River's eyes, meanwhile, she is still coughing.**

**And then Voldy, out of fear and annoyance of the Wiz Fizz and choking, blows the evil River Song up… but the chickens survive, long live chickens. **

Authors Notes:

And I stop there because I don't know whether you've noticed, but I seem to be at a higher then normal suxish rate.

So, next chapter will be shortish, and the Penultimate one so yeah… also, I have a feeling that I won't be able to finish this very well, it shall either be INCREDIBALY random or I'll discontinue the story. Hum.

Anywho,

a) Sorry about the suxishness of the chapter

2) yeah, this story could be discontinued… or end randomly, cast ur vote by reviewing (ah, not so subtle subliminal messaging huh?)

iii) Voldy will be back

d) Goats

Lily Rose XD


	7. Chapter 7: Confusing Darkness

Disclaimer: ooh, this is gonna be interesting, I don't own –deep breathe-

Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, the names that I use, Purple, crowbars, sharks, fire, nails, wigs, little alarm clocks that run away, cages, steel rooms, the evil purpleish disgraceful writers… scratch that, I do own the disgraceful writers… how disgraceful… funny though.

Warning:

Death, yeah, a lot of death… on the bright side, have anyone you want to kill fictionally? Cuz they're annoying or stupid or evil or mean? Write up that person in ur review, under fake or real name, fake or real identity, fake or real person (yeah, I can kill fictional characters to!) it won't matter cuz you know who it is. Write in with a person, I can grantee that their freakish and random death, can and will be manufactured into this story (I'm very good at mass murder… don't tell anyone though)

Chapter 7: Confusing Darkness

"YAY!" Ella and Willow exclaimed.

"eh?" muttered the disgraceful writer #3, rubbing her head and stumbling around in the darkness.

"-yawn-" yawned the disgraceful writer #1.

"GLABDOF NO!" The Doctor shouted for apparently no reason.

"…" Willow raised her eyebrows in the direction where the Doctor's voice was coming from.

"Crap they woke up," Ella said.

"Did the Doctor just shout Glabdof?" asked Willow.

"Why the hell are the lights off?" asked disgraceful writer #1.

"Because that's what authors do when they want to make it confusing."

"Yay! The lights are on!" the disgraceful writer #2 jumped for joy very disgracefully.

"…right. Anyway, we'll just be going now…" said Willow, backing away towards the TARDIS. "Magic Cocoapple!"

And then the Magic Cocoapple magicked the disgraceful writers away and the awesome River Song Killeth script to wherever scripts go.

"Ok let's go then," said Ella closing the doors of the TARDIS in the face of no one.

"Yep, our work here is done… or something less cliché," said Willow.

"Thank you Magic Cocoapple," Said Ella.

"Your very muchly welcome Elizabeth, Queen of Camelot." Exclaimed the Cocoapple, who then disappeared back to Poland.

"Did you seriously have to go with Camelot?" asked Ella raising the high explosives threateningly at Willow.

Willow grinned.

"Yep."

"…yeah fair enough." Said Ella rolling her eyes as she flicked a button and pulled the hand break.

"You really don't care about what you've done do you? This could cause massive repercussions."

"What could cause who now?" asked Willow as she stabbed Riddles diary with a giant giant's sowing needle. ha ha ha

"-sigh- You killing River could seriously harm the balance of the universe!" the Doctor shouted imploringly.

"WE DIDN'T KILL A RIVER! RIVERS ARE AWESOME!" screamed Ella, annoyed as she ate a Lingonberry.

"..yes you did, River Song…"

"Ooh, right, Song, that one. Yeah we killed her… and?"

"Oh I give up!" shouted the Doctor heading off to sulk on the other side of the sign post.

"Oh, good. Anyway, should we be going home Willow, or maybe we could go somewhere else, I mean we have a TARDIS…" and that's when the TARDIS crashed.

Ella and Willow got up from the floor of the TARDIS confusedly.

"Why the f-"

"Willow, younger readers…"

"Fudge did we crash?!"

"I dunno… Doctor, why'd we crash?" asked Ella as she spotted the Doctor whose handcuffs had broken.

"The only reason this TARDIS would ever crash was if someone or something got in its way… or if something was wrong in the space time continuum. Oh, oh this is bad, oh this is very bad. You've messed up the entire continuum and… where are we?" he explained before glancing around at their new surroundings.

Willow and Ella looked around too, and what they saw was the most awful dreadful place in the world.

The walls were plum purple.

The furniture was kaki green.

The people were evil.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And that is where I shall leave it.

a) This may not be the penulitimate chapter, not with what I have planned.

2) Probably going to be discontinued anyway

iii) Want to kill a fictional or real character through my story in a witty/sarcastic/plan stupid way? Review I tell me, seriously, I guarantee they shall be killed. Teachers, bullies, siblings, characters from books and tv shows, take ur pick.

d) A Cocoapple is a cross between a cocoanut and a pineapple. xD

purplegod = awesomeness

LilyroseXD


	8. Chapter 8: Forbidden Cliches

Disclaimer:

Hum, I don't own Doctor Who, neither does the person who wrote this chapter… as far as I know.

Warning:

Not written by me, anything could happen, I'm almost as in the dark as you

Chapter 8: Where Clichés are simply forbidden.

After noticing the disgraceful of the place there were in, Willow and Ella stood up incredibly straightly and whispered instead of collapsing in tears because that is just far too cliché.

"Ergh, I have to shield my eyes from the disgracefulness," Ella whispered to Willow.

Willow stumbled backwards away from the khaki green furniture and plum purple walls.

"It's… blinding," she whispered, holding her hands against her eyes.

The Doctor just stood in the almost centre of the massive room, wondering why he hadn't run away from the two insane teenagers yet.

"At the risk of sounding cliché…-" The Doctor began.

"DON'T YOU DARE VOICE A CLICHÉ IN THIS HORRIBLE PLACE, DOCTOR!" Willow and Ella both shouted, un-simultaneously.

"-I don't think this place could get any worse," he finished, nodding his head at the disgraceful furniture, walls and evil people who were all apparently mute for the story's sake.

"OH YES IT COULD!" cackled the Magpie, who had been hiding behind a khaki green pencil which was sitting on the apparent bookcase.

"THE MAGPIE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Screamed the Doctor.

"Where do you get all the air for that?" asked the Magpie, loosening her hold on the giant blow up hammer, she had poised over her head, ready to whack someone.

The Doctor was about to reply when she cut him off.

"DON'T SPEAK OVER ME WHEN I'M INTERRUPTING YOU!" she shouted at him.

The Doctor huffed.

"Magpie," Willow started, pointing at her, "before um…dying and all that, we'd like to ask the Doctor something."

The Magpie nodded like this was perfectly reasonable.

Willow and Ella turned to the Doctor who was sitting on the foldable plane seat which had magically appeared.

"How in JoJo's name do you know who the Magpie is?" Ella asked the Time Lord with the clear braces.

The Doctor frowned.

It was a 53 seconds – because it's much less cliché – before he answered.

"I think…I think…um…," he turned back to the Magpie. "Were you on Oprah?" he asked.

"Obviously," she answered in that pompous voice that we all know and hate.

"Why the f-" Willow began.

Ella cleared her throat.

"Willow, young readers. Remember?"

"Why the Frankenstein where you on Oprah? Was it because of your horrible fashion sense and utter disgrace to purple."

"…ummm….no…"

Ella, Willow and the Doctor raised their eyebrows at her.

"OKAY FINE IT WAS!!!!" the Magpie shouted at Willow, Ella and the Doctor.

"I HATE YOU! YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST BIG SIBLINGS EVER!!!!!"

Willow and Ella's mouths both clenched – for unclichness – at her statement.

"Did…did she just say that?" Willow asked, turning to Ella.

"I think she did…"

They both blinked several times rather stupidly.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" shouted the Magpie…again.

"It's back to killing time!" she cackled.

She raised the inflatable blow up hammer once again before her arms shook.

"It's too heavy…can't hold it…up," she then proceeded to drop the hammer and as it fell, it knocked her on the head and for some unknown reason her hair caught fire and burned off.

Ella skipped up to the bald Magpie and placed her hand on the Magpie's face.

"Ah ha! Cancer!" she laughed.

That's when the Doctor's foldable plane seat collapsed under his now apparent heavy weight and they all fell into the swamp of goo.

A/N:

Message for Bad Wolf Jr and RoseMarionTyler08:

Because I didn't write this chapter, the people you want, erm… disposed off, will be… hem…. Disposed of, in the next few chapters xD

a) Notice anything different? Maybe because my awesome beta wrote this chapter du to my writers block! –square of applause for the purple god-  
2) noticed the story was discontinued? Hum, I'm so good at keeping my word…

iii) anyone else wanna kill someone? The more people to kill, the longer this piece of hilariously random rubbi… I mean writing continues

d) You're an oxymoron… yes that made sense… also an oxymoron!... omg PARADOX

purplegod = awesomeness

LilyroseXD

Super secret authors note

I am an idiot

Great big earth dunce

Stupid mind

I KNOW WHY I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK

I DIDN"T POST ONE OF MY AWESOME CHAPTERS!

That's write, I wrote a chapter, write in the middle, and I didn't post it up. AND NO ONE NOTICED!

Not even my beta, I feel so unwanted… and stupid

Anyway, GO BACK! ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE VERY BEGINNING AND RE READ!

Any one who tells me which chapter I stupidly forgot to post (which is now posted .) I will write into my story somehow.

God I'm stupid -.-

~ stupid LilyRoseXD

p.s I know, 10 million mistakes in my A/N's, It's 11 pm here on a Sunday night, I'm TIRED! I'll fix em later –yawn-


	9. Chapter 9: Yellow Goo

Disclaimer: my don't own anything that I don't own, and neither does the person who wrote this chapter

Warning: contains goo and death

A/N: I didn't write this chapter… again… but I don't really mind… anyway, props to ThePurpleGod who wrote this chapter xD

Chapter 9: Yellow Goo

Willow and Ella struggled to keep their heads above the goo. The Doctor was sinking fast on account of the clicheness of him still being strapped into his chair, and therefore going to drown. The Magpie had opened the air plug…thing on her inflatable hammer and was breathing by sucking in the oxygen from that. Willow and Ella hated her for her smartness. The goo was sucking them down…obviously, and they had no escape (of course –rolls eyes). But then finally Willow and Ella discovered that they had some smartness too for they called to the empty air, trying not to swallow goo.

" MAGIC COCOAPPLE! COCOAPPLE! HELP!"

And so the Cocoapple appeared again from Poland.

He appeared but he obviously didn't notice that he had transported himself unconsciously so he continued going on with his previous conversation.

"-Of course I can supply the bombs, Voldy. You see I-"

That's when the Cocoapple noticed that he was now hovering above a swamp of goo in which he could see Ella, Willow, the Doctor, and some insane bald lady who was breathing out of an inflatable hammer. He raised his non-existent eyebrows at the strangeness of the scene.

"Ri-ight…so not dealing with this," he said, before preparing to disappear again.

"NO MAGIC COCOAPPLE WAIT!" cried Ella, still fighting to keep her head above the yellow goo.

The Magic Cocoapple sighed.

"Yes Elizabeth, Queen of Camelot and…Willow?"

"Wait a minute!" cried Willow.

"Don't you want to be save-" The Cocoapple began before being cut off by Willow.

"We're in a swamp of yellow goo, about to drown, with a dangerous and deadly – or something less cliché – Magpie with us, and the Doctor as well, and the Magpie was just about to kill us with an inflatable hammer…but none of that is relevant, BECAUSE YOU WERE GOING TO SUPPLY BOMBS TO VOLDY?!"

The Cocoapple's pompous expression disappeared to be replaced by a sheepish grin, that made it look like Willow and Ella had just discovered…well…had just discovered that he was suppling bombs to Voldemort…which he was.

"I…I thought…that you would be pleased…cause you were in league with Voldy too and…" The Cocoapple downcast his eyes which didn't exist because he is a cross between two fruits, and he pouted at the goo and scuffed his boots on thick air.

"Well, now, as well as helping us escape you have to do something else too, so you will be too busy to think about what you've done, because we know you won't anyway," Ella told him.

The Cocoapple sighed and magicked them all out of the yellow swamp of goo.

"…The Magpie can stay in the swamp, Cocoapple," Ella said, and the Cocoapple magicked the Magpie back into the swamp.

"…And can you re-handcuff the Doctor?" Willow asked.

Handcuffs appeared from nowhere and one of them went around the Doctor's wrist while the other attached itself to a giant toothpaste tube which had appeared as well.

"Better," Willow noted, looking around at the surroundings.

"Now, Cocoapple, we need you to magic the Idiot, the LLama, and Big H here."

The Cocoapple looked confused but magicked the Idiot, the LLama and Big H so they were hovering above the goo.

"Nah, in the goo," Ella told him.

And so the Idiot, the LLama and Big H were magicked into the yellow goo.

"Excuse me!? What in Barnicus's name am I doing here?" asked the LLama.

"Well…um…to put it simply…you're dying."

"Now wait just a minute!"

"Oh sorry! No, you're not dying, my bad."

The Idiot and the LLama and Big H breathed sighs of relief.

"Idiot and Big H – You're dying," Willow said bluntly.

The Idiot and Big H started to exclaim at the unfairness of this, and so it made it hard for Ella and Willow to hear the LLama.

"YAY I'M NOT DYING!!!"

"No…but you are being tortured."

The LLama pouted and uncounted his lucky pentagons which he had just counted.

"OH GOD, WE'RE DYING!" shouted the Idiot, before eating some goo to see what it tasted like.

Big H rolled his eyes.

"I can see where you got your name," he told the Idiot, who had now turned green from the disgraceful Port Wine flavoured goo.

"Willow…"

"Yes Ella?"

"Bring me the Riversong Worshipping Bible…"

"I need gloves, I can't touch it with my bare hands…"

"COCOAPPLE, bring me some gloves!" shouted Ella.

Gloves appeared on Willow's hands and she grapevined off to get the Riversong Bible.

"And so the Lady Riversong said 'Oh Doctor, allow thy to die in thou's place, for an apocalypse as terrible as the sun's explosion would befall upon us, should my nobleness not be exercised at this time in question.'

And the Time Lord replied 'gah?' and-"

"STOP! PLEASE IT'S KILLING ME, STOP!" cried the LLama, sobbing into the goo.

Willow removed her fingers from her ears.

"Well, yes, that was the point," Willow sarcastically remarked.

Ella glanced over the top of the disgraceful Bible and noticed that the Idiot had suffered a heart attack from the horribleness/disgracefulness of the bible.

"Killing one moron and torturing the other with one book, right Ella?"

"…yeah…"

"Don't kill me! Please! I won't be a horrible disgraceful teacher ever again, I promise!"

"Uh huh…yeah… sure," Ella stared off into space while nodding her head at Big H, every now and then as he pleaded for his life. Ella held out her hand.

"Willow, the alarm clock."

"Right here!" she replied, handing Ella the explosive flying evil alarm clock.

Ella threw the explosive flying evil alarm clock straight at Big H, who couldn't move out of its path at all, for the sake of the story.

The explosive flying evil alarm clock exploded on coming into contact with Big H and he erupted into a giant fireball that could be seen from Felspoon.

But also for the sake of the story, it didn't kill LLama, who was still trapped in the yellow, port wine flavoured goo…But he did get third degree burns.

As the fireball erupted all around them, but didn't harm them because the Cocoapple was still protecting them, Willow threw the disgraceful Riversong Worshipping Bible into it, and it was burned until it was only ashes, and then the ashes were force-fed to the Magpie, who had also suffered third degree burns.

A/N:

Message for Bad Wolf Jr and RoseMarionTyler08:

Like the so far deaths?

Anyone I haven't killed that has been requested to kill shall be killed in the next chapter… try saying that 9.2 times fast

a) Notice anything different? Maybe because my awesome beta wrote this chapter due to my writers block! –pentagon of applause for the purple god-  
2) noticed the story was discontinued? Hum, I'm so good at keeping my word…

iii) anyone else wanna kill someone? The more people to kill, the longer this piece of hilariously random rubbi… I mean writing continues

d) hummm, I'm thinking the purple god might write the entire of the rest of the story… cept the last chapter of course, that be ine

in the mean time I've almost decided that I might re write one of her stories in a stupid and pointless, non-senseical way

keep updated and review xD

purplegod = awesomeness

~ LilyroseXD


	10. Chapter 10: The Cliff of Hilarity

Disclaimer: I own nothing that I don't own

Warning: contains deaths of the upmost hilarious nature

A/N: Well hello

I do believe I am back from my writers block

Has anyone ever told you that poetry helps writers block? Well now they have. Want to check out my poems? Go to Fictionpress(.)net and search up the author Rose Kelvin, and you shall find me, Rose Kelvin, and my poems. (shamelessly promoting my writing? Yeah)

Anyway, hopefully I'll actually manage to finish this story, no promises though, you know that if I promise something then its not gonna happen.

Chapter 10: The Cliff of Hilarity

"Well, we have killed three of the hideously evil people that we are supposed to kill.. er… why are we killing people again?" asked Ella, walking around the TARDIS that she, Willow and the Doctor were presently inside.

"Well you see… erm.. well… obviously it's because…" Willow trailed off looking confused.

"Because you're two psychopathic purple-loving pyromaniacs who are completely insane and should be institutionalized?" asked the Doctor sarcastically, leaning against the very heavy copy of Barry Trotter and the Shameless Parody he was currently chained to.

"Okay, two things…first, Doctor, stop leaning against things, it's slightly better than leaning purposefully but still…NO, it's disgraceful! and second…hummm, normally I'd agree, but no, there is some reason hiding from us…" said Ella, looking over the camera screens that the Magic Cocoapple had magiked all around the horrible place they were in, searching for the hiding reason.

"Foolish Ella and Willow, it was I, the Magpie, who was sent here to tell you how to escape, but I'm not going to tell you! MWAH HA HA HA!" cackled the Magpie evilly.

"Wait, is that why we were sent here? To kill all the evil disgraceful people in the world and return balance to time for what we did to River Song?" asked Willow, a look of comprehension dawning on her face.

The Magpie sat up in the chair she was now sitting in too fast and screamed from the pain of her third degree burns.

"We'll take that as a yes," smiled Ella, turning back to the camera screens.

"So, who should we kill next?" asked Willow wickedly.

"Wait, wait wait wait, stop, hang on!" said the Doctor painstakingly. "How will killing anyone restore the universe?? That makes no sense! And if it makes no sense to me then it doesn't make sense!"

And then the author of this story gave the Doctor a different view.

"WAIT! I know now, of course, this makes perfect sense, what a wonderful solution!" said the Doctor knowingly.

"Ri-ght. Anyway, I think we should kill-" but Willow was interrupted by an Idiot. The Idiot to be exact.

"You know, I think the goo tasted quite good actually, do you think I should become The Idiotic Alcoholic instead of just an Idiot?" he asked no one in particular, taking a sip of his glass of Yellow Goo.

"Yes, yes, very good and WHAT?" said Ella realizing who she was talking to. "But you're dead!"

"MWAH HA HA HA HA!" cackled the Magpie.

Ella and Willow looked at each other.

"There's a catch isn't there?" they both said to the Magpie at the same time. "Ew, stop saying things at the same time as me! GAH!"

"Hobsoboble." Said Ella

"Glackle." Said Willow

"Ok, that's better." Said Ella, turning back to the Magpie.

"Why isn't Idiot over there dead?" asked Willow.

"Because you didn't kill him in an hilarious enough way, but I'm not going to tell you that because then you'd know how to get out of here, and I'm too evil to let you, and f-"

"Magpie, younger readers are scarred enough by your existence, they don't need to here you swear."

"-udgecickle…"

"Ok, so we didn't kill him in an original enough way…" said Willow thinking.

"This is insane! Whose writing this story! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE AUTHOR!" yelled the Doctor, looking east because that's obviously where the Author was.

"I'm sorry, the author is busy right now, please report to the Editor and she shall be with you shortly." Said a randomly annoying over voice person. And the Doctor was magiked to the Editors office to wait.

"Well then… let's get to the killing of this Idiot in a far more effective way." Said Willow, grinning evilly.

"But… I don't wanna die again!" whined the Idiot.

"Eh, too bad. Hey Willow, I have an idea." And Ella proceeded to press the small, lime green button.

That was when everyone, including the Magpie, was transported to the cliff of hilarity.

"OOH! The cliff of hilarity! Good idea Ella!" said Willow.

"The Cliff of who-what-is now?" said the Magpie, trying to get up of the rock she had fallen on, but once again finding herself unable to move due to the now second degree burns.

"The Cliff of hilarity! Throw someone down this cliff and they shall be killed in an hilarious fashion, it's really quite entertaining." Said Ella, pulling up a seat to sit on and grabbing the popcorn as Willow offered her an ice-cream.

"So Idiot? Wanna jump?" asked Willow happily eating her ice-cream.

"OOH! GOODY!" said the Idiot, and he jumped of the cliff.

"Aww! But I can't see anything, stupid cliff just has to be vertical!" said Ella annoyed. Willow grabbed the knife shaped leaver and pulled it so that Ella and herself were transported to the platform of viewing for the cliff of hilarity.

"Ah, that's better." Said Willow sitting back in the new seat she was sitting on and watching the Idiot.

First he fell onto an elephant, which quickly turned into a paintball gun and painted the Idiot a hideous shade of orange. The paintball gun then became an elephant and threw the Idiot up into the sky where he was hit in the head with a CD player and strangled by an insane fan girl who thought he was the Doctor.

"AHHH!" screamed the Idiot as he fell to the bottom of the cliff and into the pool of tomato sauce mixed with lemon icing.

"Humm, I give it a nine for originality, would be ten but I've seen the elephant bit before." Shrugged Willow and she, Ella and the Magpie were transported back to the TARDIS.

"Yeah, I'll give it a nine for originality, but maybe a six for presentation, the orange colour mixed with the yellow and red were a bit to cliché-ish-ly fire like for me." Said Ella, also shrugged as the Magpie feel onto the acupuncture bed in the middle of the TARDIS.

"Oh, I'll give it an eight for presentation, fire is awesome, I can only take two points away from fire." Said Willow as she an Ella looked at the camera screen looking for their next person to kill.

A/N

Ok, quickly, just so we are clear, in between this chapter and the last chapter, the magic cocoapple has put camera's all over the island that Ella and Willow are trapped on so they don't have to go looking all around for people to kill, that is the camera's and the 'awful place' is the island

Ok, anyway

And that is where I shall leave it

a) So what did you guys think of my comeback ish chapter? I know it was a bit story orientated, but still, I got some funnyness in there didn't i?  
2) The story is officially off discontinuation, but I cannot promise it will stay that way

iii) I shall be getting another chapter up soon, hopefully, its school holidays so I'm off the whole tests, homework rush at the moment, cept for holiday homework, obviously

d) I'm thinking I might have the purple god write another chapter, but then again, she's writing a story of her own at the moment that I am helf co-writing half editing in my unhelpful way (shamelessly promoting someone else's story? HELL YES)

So the purple god's new story is a sequel to her previous story _Elves and Aliens _and its called _Undead Future _

So go and have a read, then come back here and read my hilariously awful story in comparison, then go and read my poetry, then hopefully I'll have updated and you shall never not have something to read again xD

Ok, so, hope you liked the chapter, REVIEW XDD

purplegod = awesomeness

~ LilyroseXD


	11. Chapter 11: The Death of Virus'

Disclaimer: I have decided that I own everything, including Doctor Who, Australia, and Fanfiction(.)net. Now does anyone believe me? That be the question.

A/N: GAH!  
I AM ANNOYED!  
STUPID EVIL INTERNET GAVE ME A VIRUS ON MY LAPTOP!

Ok, now that that is out of my system, I officially wrote this chapter on the 20th of July 2009 at 9:59am.

I probably won't be able to post this chapter for several days however because of a bloody virus \

-.-

Also, it's not going to have any death, and not much Ella and Willow. It's also going to be very short. You see I have the Flu (SWINE FLU! MWAH HA HA HA HA!!! … cough… only Aussie's will get that… anyway…) and I can't write much without getting dizzy from looking at the computer screen. And I can't get on the internet because of virus, so I can't get to my email, so I can't check who I still have to kill…

So yes, kill the virus… the flu one AND the computer… oh… ok maybe they're will be death…

Warning: death, insane writers, and a very very annoyed Doctor.

Chapter 11: The Death of the Virus'

"What is with this place?" the Doctor asked to no one but the waiting room of the Editor where he was sent to wait.

"It's a Jo Jo the all knowing waiting room," replied the painting of a duck on the mantle.

"…Then why is there a painting of a duck?"

"Because ducks are awesome," replied the painting smugly.

_DING DONG DING –cough- Sir Doctor of TARDIS please report to the Editor immediately. _

The Doctor sighed and got up, walking over to the door sized window that lead to the office. Knocking once he opened the window and walked through.

That's when he fainted.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"I think you scared him Pete." said the Editor proudly.

"RAWR!" roared Pete happily, stomping back to his awesome chair.

"Wats 'oing nn?" asked the Doctor groggily, pulling himself up with the filing cabinet, only to find it was so incredibly empty that he managed to pull it down rather than himself up.

"Honestly, big bad Doctor scared of an awesome dragon like Pete. Now what do you want, I be busy." Said the Editor, acting all editor like and sitting behind the big editor desk.

"Well, I, what… ok, fine, and…." Spluttered the Doctor, finally managing to get to his feet.

"So I don't like correcting grammar, or rather the author doesn't like me correcting grammar, at least you can say six words in a line, poor ol' Pete the Dragon only gets one!" said the Editor.

"RAWR!" agreed Pete.

"But… no, those were my words… not the author's words. You aren't editing this now!" exclaimed the Doctor.

"No, right now I'm at school, far too busy to edit this ridiculous story… although it would be far more entertaining-"

"BUT YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT HERE IN YOUR DRAGON OFFICE!"

-the editor hereby edits this sentence-

"BUT YOU'RE SITTING LEFT HERE IN YOUR PETE THE DRAGON OFFICE!" interrupted the Doctor angrily.

"Yes, yes I am. Funny ol' world isn't it? Oh, I'm saying ol' a lot aren't I? Humm, Author must be sick, poor Author," said the Editor to no one in particular except the Doctor and Pete the Dragon.

"Now listen to me. We are having this conversation in your Pete the Dragon office, right this second. You can't possibly be in school, you'd have to be in two places at once!" said the Doctor, sitting down on the red hand and trying not to shout.

"Now see, that's what Hermione said, and look what happened to her," said the Editor disdainfully.

"RAWR!" agreed Pete.

"… she saved numerous people and ended up happy…" said the Doctor, recalling the seventh book.

"She married Ron Weasley," said the Editor sorrowfully.

"Rawwwwwwwwwwr" awwwed Pete the Dragon.

"Ok, anyway-"

"Stupid computer!" interrupted the Editor, bashing the laptop on the Editor desk. "It has a virus or something! GAH!"

"Rawr, rawr, ra-raw-rawr-rawr," rawred Pete the Dragon.

"Your right, Pete. Hey Doctor, you're good with computers, wanna kill the Flu Virus I got on my laptop?" asked the Editor.

"Laptop's don't get Flu Virus' "said the Doctor confusedly.

"Mine does, nuisance it is, cuz Pete always manages to catch it. He's awful when he's sick. He goes all green instead of his awesome snow blue and he sneezes every two seconds!" said the Editor, steering Pete away from the laptop.

"Erm… alright, let's play along… I've never tackled a Flu Virus but, erm, here. Setting 9-4-7-b for 9.8 seconds." Said the Doctor handing over the Sonic Screwdriver… only to remember that Ella and Willow had it.

"Oh.. umm… HEY AUTHOR! LITTLE HELP?" shouted the Editor toward east.

That's when Ella and Willow appeared on Pete the Dragon's back.

"PETE THE DWWAAAGON!" They shouted happily.

"Rawr-rawrrawraaaaaaaaaarw?"

"Sure Pete. Cya," said Ella handing over the Sonic Screwdriver and disappearing.

"Bye Pete." said Willow disappearing.

Then the Editor killed the Flu Virus'.

"You truly are insane aren't you?" asked the Doctor conversationally.

"To edit this story, you gotta be," shrugged the Editor. "To write it on the other hand, wow, now the Author, that's one insane person. But good insane."

"RAWR!" agreed Pete.

-the editor hereby edits this line because the editor feels sorry for Pete the Dragon-

"_**RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" agreed Pete, once again scaring the Doctor.

That's when the Doctor fainted again.

"He he he," laughed the Editor.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"Where… am…I?" asked the Doctor as he woke up. No one replied. "What's… why… is that a Cocoapple?"

"Hello Doctor," said the Magic Cocoapple. "You need to see the Author too?"

"What?" asked the Doctor, sitting up on the couch he was on.

"You're in the Authors waiting room," said the Cocoapple happily. "I'm here supplying bombs."

That's when the Doctor found the note attached to his right eyebrow.

_Doctor, _

_Thought you might want to meet the Author… for why ever it was you wanted to meet me… I'm sure your questions will be answered. _

_Editor_

_p.s RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

A/N

And there you have it, a short but insane chapter. And next chapter you get to meet me! Yay!

Ok, so I'm sick, so this'll be short.

a) Sorry I haven't updated, not my fault!  
2) Ok, this one point has a… well a point. You know the Hermione bit, now I remember clearly in the movie ron goes " but that's impossible, you'd have to be in two places at once!" and then she goes "Don't be ridiculous Ronald, how could anyone be in two places at once?"  
was it even in the book? I don't think so, but it would be nice of someone who can be bothered to check, because I, obviously, can't be bothered.

I would here like to point out that The Editor (the purple god) asked 'wasn't it harry that said that', and I burst out laughing… then realized how sad I am…. Anyway, moving on…

iii) It's not school holidays anymore! I have tests and homework and teachers, and I wrote this all for you guys and I'm sick, I could have waited and this may not have been up for weeks. Be proud.

d) I'm tired and I'm going to bed, bye bye

REVIEW XD

Purplegod aka The Editor = awesomeness

THE PURPLE GOD IS THE EDITOR AND IS AWESOME xD

~ LilyroseXD


	12. Chapter 13: We Skipped 12 for a Reason

Disclaimer: Pete the Dragon owns the entire contence of this chapter, Jo Jo the all knowing goat relinquished the rights after he saw this disclaimer.

A/N

I haven't updated in AGES

I could claim that wasn't my fault or that it is simply because I was working so hard on this chapter, but really, we all know that's a lie. I have, however, been busy failing maths, that should count for something.

Ok, so, hopefully this shall be an awesome and amazingly long chapter and you shall all be happy again xD

Warning: Contains 'The Author', enough said.

Chapter 13: We Skipped Chapter 12 For a Reason

"Why is this taking so LONG?" complained the Doctor to the Cocoapple. They had both been waiting in the Authors "In the Officing Room" for over 6 hours.

"Well Doctor, The Author is a very busy Author, she has to come up with plot lines and funny-ness in between school and home and being here in the office. It's hard," said the Cocoapple, exploding yet another bomb in the fireplace.

"Oh, damn, that was my last bomb! If you'll excuse me Doctor, I'm going to have to go find Voldy and get some more," and with that the Cocoapple disappeared.

_DingDINGDing, Would the Doctor please make his way to the office of the Author._

"Finally!" exclaimed the Doctor, jumping up and walking over to the purple door. He pressed the invisible button, made slightly more visible by the neon arrow pointing to it. The door didn't open, instead some citric acid was shot into the Doctor's eye.

"OW!"

"Ah, JoJo, I applaud your invention of the invisible citric button." Said a voice coming from the other side of the door. "Try the door handle, Doctor."

The Doctor opened his non acidic eye and looked at the door. Suddenly 5 different coloured door handles appeared. He picked the light blue one, and thankfully the door opened. The Doctor saw a room with 5 white walls, 7 black walls, 6 purple walls, a green carpet and a midnight sky ceiling.

"Oh, he picked the blue one," said the voice that the Doctor assumed was the author.

"Oh, that's my favourite," said another voice that unmistakably belonged to a goat.

"Wh-" that was when the Doctor fell up.

"Anti-gravity!" said the Author and JoJo the All Knowing goat happily as everything in the room, from the green teddy bear with a yellow nose to the bright blue CD player rose into the air.

"What's going on?" asked the Doctor as he tried to anchor himself down with the red handle on the white wall.

"Hey, if you don't like the anti-gravity just turn it off." shrugged the Author, who was now playing cards with JoJo.

"GIN," cried JoJo.

"Damn you and your stupid all knowing-ness," said the Author bitterly.

"How do I turn the anti-gravity off?" asked the Doctor; who had now successfully turned upside down and was walking on the ceiling.

"I can't remember… JoJo?" asked the Author who was now attempting to ski down the mountain in the west hand side of the room.

"Snap," said Jo Jo.

"Nah, I don't feel like playing cards anymore," said the Author.

"No, snaaaaap," baaaahed Jo Jo.

"Oh, snap," said the Author, clicking her fingers together. The Doctor fell on his head.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"Googllenessly," muttered the Doctor as he came too.

"Indeed," said JoJo from the other side of the room.

"Oh, right, you're here aren't you?" said the Author, who was now sitting at the green desk on the top of the ice volcano.

"Yes, and I… can't remember why…" said the Doctor scratching his head.

"You could check the story," said JoJo, who was climbing up the side of the volcano.

"What?" said the Doctor, pacing around the Pentagon on the floor.

"The Story, the one The Author is writing right now. She has a copy of what happened last time, I'm sure we can figure out why you're here," said Jo Jo all-know-ing-ly.

"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT A CHARACTER IN A STORY," exploded the Doctor.

"… didn't Ella and Willow explain all that?" asked the Author, jumping off the Volcano using her parachute and landing on the Filing Cabinet of Doom.

~!#$%^&*()_+~FLASHBACK~!#$%^&*()_+~

_"You must have crossed universes, in this universe you're a fictional character in books and a TV show." said Ella climbing up and sitting in the branch of a purple tree.  
__  
_~!#$%^&*()_+~END FLASHBACK~!#$%^&*()_+~

"Yep, you're definitely a character in a story here… well a lot of stories… including this one," said the Author, putting the file back into the Filing Cabinet of Doom.

"…how can you have that documented?" asked the Doctor, running over to stand beside The Author.

"I wrote it!" exclaimed the author indignantly.

"But I lived it!" said the Doctor.

"And I… feel left out…" said JoJo who was sulking in the corner.

"Make some popcorn, don't worry, it'll get more interesting," said the Author offhandedly. And so JoJo went to make popcorn.

"Anyway, Doctor, you live what I write. Ok? So now I must go and write what you are to live," said the Author, jumping on the ski lift that went to the top of the volcano.

"Wait wait wait wait wait a second," said the Doctor, jumping on the bouncy car that also went to the top of the volcano.

And so the Author waited for a second.

And then kept going.

"HEY!" said the Doctor as they both reached the top of the volcano. "How can we be speaking right now if you are here, in the story, and not writing the story?" asked the Doctor.

"Plots holes, paradox's, past me, future me, non present me, trust me Doctor, there are ways," said The Author, sitting at her now purple desk and opening her laptop.

"But… but… that's impossible… the universe as we know it would collapse… and-" spluttered the Doctor resentfully.

"Doctor, what story do you think you're in? Have you noticed what's been happening?" asked The Author impatiently.

~!#$%^&*()_+~FLASHBACKS~!#$%^&*()_+~

_10th Doctor: you know this whole thing is probably going to be full of paradox"s_

Lily rose who is me: purr-lease, your whole existence is pretty much a paradox

10th Doctor: ... point taken

~!#$%^&*()_+~

_"Oh, we so should... but how are we going to kill a character that's fictional in our world?" asked Willow grabbing a random book of the shelf and chucking it away.  
"Well... we could have her written out of the script somehow... or kill the actor, but that's a little extreme." said Ella picking up the book that had been thrown and balancing it on her head. _

_"Well, how do we make sure River Song is never written... that would cause a massive paradox!" said Willow clapping her hands excitedly._

_"You know, normal people wouldn't find the thought of a paradox fun." said the Doctor dryly. _

~!#$%^&*()_+~

_**Step 4:**_

_**Burn this list and if possible, avoid the blame of steps 1 through 3 (note: if the second part of this step proves impossible, blame the Doctor whom is… cough… writing this yes… cough)**_

**~!#$%^&*()_+~**

_5. A list with four things looks stupid._

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"_Do you realize that going into the past can affect the future?! You could change the future of the human race!" Ella and Willow glanced at each other, raising their eyebrows._

"_And…?" asked Ella pulling the hand brake of the TARDIS._

"_I should have known it wasn't going to be that easy." Sighed the Doctor._

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"_GLABDOF NO!" The Doctor shouted for apparently no reason._

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"_DON'T SPEAK OVER ME WHEN I'M INTERRUPTING YOU!" she shouted at him._

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"_Wait, wait wait wait, stop, hang on!" said the Doctor painstakingly. "How will killing anyone restore the universe?? That makes no sense! And if it makes no sense to me then it doesn't make sense!"_

_And then the author of this story gave the Doctor a different view._

"_WAIT! I know now, of course, this makes perfect sense, what a wonderful solution!" said the Doctor knowingly._

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"_This is insane! Whose writing this story! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE AUTHOR!" yelled the Doctor, looking east because that's obviously where the Author was._

~!#$%^&*()_~END FLASHBACKS~!#$%^&*()_+~

"… half of those flashbacks weren't even relevant…" said the Doctor confusedly.

"But they were funny," said JoJo who had picked out the flashbacks.

"Anyway, I'm incredibly busy Doctor, so if you don't mind, could we hurry this along?" said The Author looking all Author-like sitting at the desk.

"Oh I think I know why this story is so insane…" muttered the Doctor as The Author began to sing '_Two Little Monkeys' _under her breath.

"Oh good, I'm glad, now I'm afraid I have to give a few tours of the amazingly awesome office, so if you wouldn't mind…" said The Author as someone knocked on the door.

"Who would want a tour of your office…" asked the Doctor as The Author jumped out of the tree she had climbed and landed next to the door.

That's when Rosemariontyler08 walked through the door.

"AWESOME, ANIT-GRAVITY!" she said as everything began to fall up again.

"I'm getting out of here," muttered the Doctor as he pushed the big blue "GO TO THE EVIL PLACE OF DOOM WITH WILLOW AND ELLA" button.

A/N

YAY, IM IN MY STORY… ok, weird sentence

Sorry, this was kidda a suxish chapter, I mean, no one even died. But don't worry, next chapter should be slightly better

Rosemariontyler08 got a cameo because she noticed that I left out my chapter _The Evil Script_

Go her!

Ok so

a) Sorry I haven't updated, completely my fault!  
2) Next time expect 3 deaths

iii) I'm TIRED

d) Jo Jo says hi

REVIEW XD

purplegod = awesomeness

~ LilyroseXD


	13. Chapter 14: The One with the Cameo

Disclaimer: ummm… I don't own chapter 12 (collective gasp)

A/N

Well… how longs it been now?

Goes and checks

The 8/8/09

Hum, that's 28 days

Should I leave you hanging a little longer??

Hummm

Tell ya what future readers, I think i'll post on the 09/09/09 at 9:09 pm Australian EST

Wanna know why?

A)Cuz THAT"S AWESOME  
Ii) cuz I haven't actually written the chapter yet…  
3) BECAUSE NONE OF YOU HAVE REVIEWED

And yep

Im angry

Because you see, I am magic, and I know how many of you read my story

(700 in the last two months, and can I just say, people, THANK YOU YOUR AWESOME)

But you see, 600 of such people have accounts (how do I know this? I'm magic, I'm the author, I have anti-gravity, the list goes on)

AND NOT ONE OF YOU REVIEW THE LAST CHAPTER??  
WHY??

(I'm a petty person, allow me to complain just a little longer)

Now I know that last chapter was awful, but I was in it. DO YOU ALL HATE ME?  
-cry-

Ok, im done complaining  
Enjoy the chapter

Also, may I just add, second last chapter people. And I can post soonish (I know I know, I said that last time didn't i?) but I can, because IT'S THE LAST WEEK OF TERM (where I am… yeah, Australia is awesome)

Alright, onto the chapter

SUPER SECRET AUTHORS NOTE ADDED IN MERE MINUTES BEFORE POSTING

Yo, so I have to do a favour for a friends friend, because im awesome

I am adding in a super awesome death into this chapter, MINUTES BEFORE POSTING (I like dramatic weirdness)

So, DramaQueen321's (aka. Sara's) friend Emma asked me to kill someone, via word review!

Yep, I got a word of mouth review from a friend of a friend, and just to mark that awesomeness, I shall edit in this death.

WOOT

So Emma, not only shall your chosen person die, it's Cameo time.

Ok, im done, read on.

Warning: I think we all know by now that you have to be prepared for hilarity in random ways here.

Chapter 14: The One With the Cameo

"But Wiiiilllllllllllllllooooooowwwwww…" complained Ella.

"No, you cannot kill me yet." Said Willow.

"WHY NOT?"

"Because we're not finished killing other people yet!"

"…oh."

And that's when the Doctor landed on his head on the TARDIS console.

"Oh you're back." Said Ella boredly.

"Great, now we have to put up with his, 'oh no, don't do that!' complaining and… hey what happened to his braces?" asked Willow.

And the Author declared a plot hole.

"So anyway, who do we kill now? I mean, this place has got to disappear soon right? In the last month we killed… well there was that maths teacher…" Ella started.

"Right, and the dentist…"

"And that evil chocolate store owner who wouldn't sell us chocolate…"

"And the person who created prices for orange juice…"

"And Peter Pettigrew's fifth cousin, thrice removed…"

"The Bucher..."

"The Baker…"

"The Candlestick maker's mosquito…"

"How long have I been gone?" Interrupted the Doctor.

"Oh you know… a while… Anyway… whose left to kill?" asked Willow looking down her list.

"You have a list?" asked the Doctor incredulously.

"… did you forget who we are or something? How can you still be surprised? Anyway… I feel like killing some of my most hated characters from Doctor Who… what about you Ella?" asked Willow.

"Oh yes, as if we just hate River Song."

And then the Editor declared that no explanation was needed.

"So, Madame Le Pompadore, the annoying french chick, Adam Mitchell, the annoying computer geek, and Milly Tyler, the Doctor's semi illegitimate daughter, Doctor, father of the illegitimate Milly Tyler Welcome to… Survivor of the Amazing Link!" said Willow in her game show voice.

"Willow, no game show voice." Said Ella in her no voice.

"Alright, here's how we play, you all run randomly across the Amazon rain forest, then come to the wheel of wheel-ness. Spin the wheel and answer the question." Said Willow very quickly.

"GO!"

-Insert crazy montage of characters running through rainforest-

"I…got…here…first…" said Adam Mitchell.

"Yes, vell you didn't havv to run in he-els." Said Madame Le whats-its.

"I don't believe we said anything about getting here first…" said Ella smiling evilly.

And so Madame Le-whats-its, Adam Mitchell, Milly Tyler and the Doctor lined up to spin the wheel of wheel-ness.

But before they could spin the wheel of wheel-ness Emma dropped from the ground.

"Hi!" she said, jumping up.

"Hey." Said Ella.

"He-llo." Said Willow.

"You… er, know each other?" asked the Doctor, judging of Emma's Australian accent.

"No." the three replied in non perfect union.

"So, what can we do for you Emma?" asked Willow in her old professors voice.

"Yes, what do you require." Said Ella in her flight attendants voice.

The Ella and Willow both stroked their imaginary beards.

"Well, I was wondering if you could kill someone for me." Said Ella sweetly, as Tina appeared at her side.

"What the-" Tina started to say.

"Oh, goody!" said Willow, ushering Tina over to the wheel.

"She can go first in out –dun dun dun- QUIZ OF DOOM" said Ella.

"I thought we had to spin a wheel…" said Adam Mitchell.

"Nah, quiz of doom is more fun. So Emma, wanna stay and watch?" asked Willow.

And then Emma grabbed some popcorn and sat with Jo Jo the all Knowing goat in the stand of the stadium where the quiz would take place.

"Tina, how many Tina's does it take to were a scarf?" asked Ella raising an eyebrow.

"… umm, one." Said Tina.

"Incorrect." Said Ella.

"The Correct answer is six… it's a very long scarf." Said Willow.

And then Tina fell into a paper mache house with Hitlers Pink teddy and a green glowing bubble. The green glowing bubble then exploded and set of a chain reaction with the previously unnoticed red glowing bubble, creating the ultimate purple glowing bubble.

Then Tina got killed by a seagull.

"Adam, What colour do red and blue make?" asked Willow.

"Purple." Answer Adam.

"Incorrect." Said Willow chucking the card behind her.

"They make red and blue strips, duh!" said Ella rolling her eyes.

"But when they're mixed together…" started Adam.

"Who said anything about mixing?"

And Adam Mitchell fell into the pit of evil non-reviewers.

The evil non-reviewers decided they couldn't be stuffed killing him and so he was dropped into a swimming pool full of electric eels, five bottles of perfume and a bright pink wedding dress.

"Milly Tyler, how many books does it take to kill a person?" Asked Ella.

".. um… 12?" answered Milly.

"Incorrect."

"One." Said Willow in a bored voice. "All you need is the River Song evil Bible, haven't you been paying attention?"

And so Milly Tyler boarded the Devil's Flight and sat next to a Chimera. Then the Chimera pushed her out of the plane and on the way down the cyclone of doom decided to come for a visit.

"Mademe Someone, how do you spell Fire?" asked Willow.

"F-I-R-E, fire." Answered Mademe Le Pompadore. And so the Military Army Naval Defense base fired 3 apple seed bombs at Mademe Le Pompadore.

"Doctor, how many daughters do you have?" asked Ella.

"… I don't know…"

"Neither do we, you win." Said Willow as she and Ella teleported back to the TARDIS, but not before Emma got a free gift bag and a cookie.

"Hummm… well that was pointlessly fun… but I feel like something is missing…" muttered Ella.

And then the Editor edited out the Cameo of the Wannabe Evil Fangirl and her 48 singing bunnies.

A/N

Oh.. but now I want to post this chapter… and its not the 9/9/09 at 9:09… damn

Ok, so I know that you all must be bored of the story or something considering you haven't reviewed, but come on, im ok with pity reviews! I even gave all you non reviewers a Cameo!

a) Sorry I haven't updated, completely my fault, again. But come on, maybe I, oh I dunno... Went and got a life… yeah, ok, so I've been sitting at home being lazy, psh, me, a life, yeah…  
2) LAST CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER… but what happened to chapter 12…

iii) oh, book recommendation… this a strange place to add a recommendation… oh well… any avid non-internet and internet readers, go find a series called Percy Jackson and the Olympians, its by Rick Riordan and they are AWESOME books.

d) I like orange juice and cashews

Super secret special option 12) Hitler actually had a pink teddy. His name was pinky.

REVIEW XD

purplegod = awesomeness

~ Lily Rose XD


	14. Chapter 16: We Skipped 15 as a Statement

Disclaimer: I lied, I own chapter 12

A/N

HELLOOOOOOOOO

imma writing this is learning about learning class

boring class

anyway, I shall now write something… hopefully

and you all thought I planned these chapters.

Psh

Sure

And I have a life

I has decided that I shall post this chapter on the 20/09/2009 at 20:09pm (aka 8:09pm) Australian EST.

10 days from today people

Not that you guys know that….

anyway

LAST CHAPTER

CELEBRATION

IM ABOUT TO FINISH A FANFICTION

APPLAUDE ME

-small scattered applause-

Oh.

Ok, onto the chapter

A/N revisited

Amazingly I didn't actually write anything during that lesson

Shocking

Ok, so now imma write, and I might just add,

THIS AWESOME RANDOM STORY IS HEREBY DEDICATED TO

Angie because she's Angie

Gen because she's awesome

Angel because I IS TOTALLY AWESUUM COZ I AM A TREE WHO EATS ENGLISH MUFFINS.

DramaQueen321 because she's a fan girl

PurpleGod because PURPLENESS + MILKONESS = MWAH HA HA HA HA

Chapter 16: We skipped 15 as a Statement

"Soooooooooooooooooo…" said Willow.

"Yep…" said Ella.

"Uh… what exactly was our point here again?" asked Willow.

~!#$%^&*()_+~ 10 minutes later !#$%^&*()_+~

"OH RIGHT! We were meant to get rid of the evil place by getting rid of all the evil people." Said Ella, hitting away the light bulb.

"Oh yeah… so who'd we forget?" asked Willow, but before the author could add in another 10 minutes later there was a cry of triumph.

"I GOT THE TARDIS BACK!" said the Doctor as he clicked a bunch of buttons.

"…" said Willow and Ella.

Then, for the purpose of nothing, Ella and Willow were thrown out of the TARDIS onto the bench.

"Hey!" said Willow indignantly. "We haven't finished killing people yet!"

"Oh yes you have." Said The Doctor, who was about to close the TARDIS door.

"WAIT!" said Ella.

And rather stupidly the Doctor waited.

"erm… okay, I didn't actually expect you to wait…" started Ella, but she was interrupted by a scream.

"ELLA AND WILLOW ARE BACK!" shrieked Aquamarine and immediately Ella and Willow were tackle hugged by Aquamarine, Angie and Serena. Victoria choose to tackle the Doctor instead.

"Normally I'd find her tackling the doctor disgraceful…" said Ella uncertainly.

"Yeah…. Cept that gave us time to re-highjack the TARDIS and super glue the Doctor and fan-girl Victoria to a sand pit…" said Willow.

"Well… I'm torn… disgracefulness or thankfulness…" said Ella.

And the Author declared thinking music.

"Disgracefulness." Willow and Ella said decidedly.

"Soooo…. You guys wanna help us kill people?" asked Willow as Ella pushed the orange and black button taking the TARDIS back to the evil place.

"Why are you killing people?" asked Serena raising an eyebrow.

"Why would they not be killing people?" asked Victoria dryly from the sandpit.

"HEY! I take offence to that!" said Willow banishing a unicycle at the sandpit.

"I don't…" said Ella from the top of the replica of Mount Olympus.

"Yeah, neither did I, but come on, it's a Unicycle! Anyway…" said Willow.

"Guys… why are you killing people?" asked Angie from her blue and white deck chair.

"Why to get rid of the horrible place, naturally." Said Ella as though she had known that all along.

"Oh…"

"Well, here, take a look for yourself." Said Willow as she and Ella put on the super protective iron-like sunglasses before they opened the TARDIS door revealing the horrible place.

Then there was a cackle in the distance.

"Erm.. alright." Said Ella quickly closing the door and taking off her iron-like glasses which were decided to be more hammer like.

"Well… who we killing?" asked Serena picking up a pick axe.

"We… don't know…" said Ella, as she and Willow jumped onto the mini blimp and then across the room to the dvd player, like they were looking for something.

"You guys make small talkness with the Doctor, we gotta find… something." Said Willow and she and Ella ran into the footy room.

"OW!" cried Ella as a foot kicked her just as the door slammed.

"Sooooooo… any chance you could un-glue me?" asked the Doctor as he and Victoria started to sick into the sand pit.

"No."

"Nup."

"Yeah right."

"Oh." Said the Doctor rolling his eyes.

"Serena… put down the pick axe." Said Aqua quickly as Serena swung the pick axe into a tree.

"Eh, you're right, I've always been more of a sledge hammer person. " said Serena as she threw the pick axe onto the couch and picked up a red sledge hammer.

"OOOOOOOOOOOH! SHINY!!" said Aqua, picking up the mermaids tale in the corner.

Meanwhile Angie tickled the pear in the painting and found her way into the Hogwarts kitchen.

~!#$%^&*()__+~ IN ANOTHER ROOM~!#$%^&*()__+~

"Willow! Did you find the _Big Book of Records about Random Events that were never Recorded: Volume 12_ yet?!"

"Nup! I got volume 10 though!"

"Volume 10 is from the 80's… hey gimme that, it might have a copy of a John Hughes film or something." Said Ella, grabbing the book and tossing it into her bag that appeared when she needed it and disappeared when she didn't.

"That is an awesome bag." Said Willow as she dug through the pile of basketballs looking for the _Big Book of Records about Random Events that were never Recorded: Volume 12. _

"Wait… why are we looking in the gym, we should be in the library!" said Ella running out the door.

"The library is way to predictable, lets go to the ice cream room!" said Willow.

!#$%^&*()_+~25 and 43 seconds later~!#$%^&*()_+~

"HEY PEOPLE! WE FOUND _Big Book of Records about Random Events that were never Recorded: Volume 12! _WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO NOW!" shouted Willow as she and Ella made it back to the main room of the TARDIS.

"What?" asked Angie as she, Serena and Aqua (now dressed in the mermaids tale) jumped of the swing set.

"…"

"…"

"We're not gonna ask."

"Yeah, lets just pretend you aren't wearing a tale… anyway, we has the book!" said Ella, resting the _Big Book of Records about Random Events that were never Recorded: Volume 12 _on the book resting stand.

"Erm… how's that meant to help?" asked Serena.

"Hey! That's not from your time! You aren't allowed to see that, it hasn't technically been written yet, it could have sp-" but the Doctor was cut off as Ella and Willow turned into 10 foot versions of themselves.

They didn't look to happy.

"If you so much as utter the word 'spoilers' we will…" started Ella.

"Well lets just say you'll be spending a lot o f time with River Song." Finished Willow as she and Ella returned to 'normal'.

"So anyway, this book is from the future, so if we're documented then we can find out how to get rid of the evil place." Said Willow as Serena, Aqua and Angie flicked through the book.

"FOUND IT!" announced Aqua. "It says that in about 3 seconds…"

"Hello girls." Said an ominous voice off somewhere to the right.

~!#$%^&*()_+~ TO BE CONTINUED!~#$%^&*()_+~

~!#$%^&*()_~ INSTANTANEOUSLY ~!#$%^&*()_+~

"The Magpie!" shrieked Victoria in a very soap opera fashion.

"No Victoria…" said Willow.

"No." said Ella.

"Anyway… didn't we kill… erm… f-"

"Willow how many times…"

"-olentine… we didn't kill her did we…"

"…Folentine isn't even a word.."

"Sure it is, it means the same thing as F-"

Ella raised her eyebrows.

"-olentine." Finished Willow.

"I'm sure." Replied Ella dryly.

"Er… guys… I'm fairly sure everyone is sufficiently confused… wanna explain why THE MAGPIE IS STILL HERE IF YOU'RE MEANT TO BE KILLING EVIL PEOPLE??" asked Serena… calmly.

"Evilest til last." Shrugged Ella.

"Plus, we thought you'd want to help… at least that's what _Big Book of Records about Random Events that were never Recorded: Volume 12 _says." Said Willow.

"Oh of course." Said Aqua.

And that's when the Magpie way super glued to the sand pit.

"So… how should we kill her?" asked Serena.

"I was thinking we could combine ideas…" said Ella.

"Opera performances are always a good idea, in any situation…" said Victoria.

"Yeah, that could defiantly be potentially deadly." Muttered Willow.

"Willow, what was not very nice." Said Victoria.

"Yes, not at all positive." Said Serena clapping vertically. "So, I really like the red sledge hammer… and fire is generally distuctive…"

"TICKLE!" said Angie evilly.

"… she's scary when she wants to be…" muttered Ella. Angie grinned.

"WATER! And killer shells…" giggled Aqua.

"Right… well I'm always for a good cliff… remember the cliff of hilarity… oh that's been done then…" said Ella.

"Yeah, I was gonna say killer books, but we already had the river song bible." Said Willow.

And the Author declared more thinking music.

"Oh… wait…" said Willow, grinning evilly.

"Oh Jo Jo… how could we forget?" asked Ella incredulously.

"Forgot what?" asked Victoria.

"You'll see." Said Ella

~!#$%^&*()_+~ 40 seconds later !#$%^&*()_+~

Serena, Angie, Aqua, Willow, Ella and Victoria (who had finally convinced everyone to get her out of the sand pit)were sitting on top of the giant marshmallow.

That's when the Magpie was hit in the face with a giant red sledge hammer, had her hair set of fire, had a bucket of ice water thrown at her and was tickled by the killer bee's, all while watching an opera.

"He he he he." Giggled Angie Evilly.

"Mwah ha ha." Cackled Serena.

"Te he he he." Laughed Aqua.

"AHHHHHHHH!" sang Victoria from the stage.

Ella and Willow looked at each other.

"LAUNCH THE MISSILE!" shouted Ella.

"AND THE COMBUSTIBLE, FLAMABLE, CORROSIVE AND HIGHLY DANGEROUS VATS OF CHEMICALS!" shouted Willow.

"It is always nice to go out with a bang." Smiled Ella.

"Ergh, bad pun." Said Willow, as everyone walked back to the TARDIS.

"So Doctor, we do believe we are done here." Said Willow happily as the evil, horrible scary place exploded.

"You can have your TARDIS back now." Said Ella.

The six girls all jumped onto the teleportation pad.

"Bye Doctor." Said Victoria dramatically.

"Cya!" giggled Angie.

"Thanks for the tail!" said Aqua.

"And the sledge hammer." Grinned Serena.

"And all the stuff we stole." Said Ella.

"Yeah… you don't have any milko's left." Said Willow.

The Doctor sighed.

"You are the craziest, most evil and downright insane teenagers I have ever met." He said calmly. Then he smiled. "Try not to kill anyone back in Australia, most Australian's are to awesome to die."

A/N

Sits in shock

I just finished a fan fiction

Blink

Whoa

Weird sense of accomplishment there….

Ok… well, thanks for reading and… keep an eye on the story… you never know when it's going to change xD

~ LilyRose XD

P.S

Aww

My awesome date thing was ruined… my internet wouldn't work at 20:09

Meaning I can't post at 20/09/2009 at 20:09

: (

So here is what I shall do

I shall post at 10:31

Because that's a random time and this is a random story

Alright, so, leave a review, whether it be now or not now

I always love to hear what people thing

Flame welcome (but don't expect me to fight back .)

Constructive Flame is good (and an oxymoron, so double the awesome)

Praise welcome

Opinion is FANTASTIC and a must in reviews

And

THANKS FOR READING

xD


	15. Chapter 12: The Missing Chapter of DOOM

Disclaimer: Now I don't know if I own chapter 12…

A/N

OMG IT'S A SUPER SECRET AFTER LAST CHAPTER  
simply because this chapter would have caused a paradox if posted any earlier

Don't try to understand my logic

I don't.

So imma post this on

30/09/09 at 3:09pm

Because I can't wait to post it any longer xDD

Anyway

Ok, soo, super secret though not so secret chapter. THANKS FOR READING!!

Oh, and if ur reading this, you know you're awesome because you predicted that chapter 12 went somewhere

Also, if you think that chapter 15 went somewhere, it didn't, that was a statement not a reason

ACTUAL LAST CHAPTER I PROMISE

THANKS FOR READING!!

Chapter 12: The Missing Chapter of Doom

~!#$%^&*()_+~ FLASHBACK ~!#$%^&*()_+~

"_So anyway, who do we kill now? I mean, this place has got to disappear soon right? In the last month we killed… well there was that maths teacher…" Ella started. _

"_Right, and the dentist…"_

"_And that evil chocolate store owner who wouldn't sell us chocolate…"_

"_And the person who created prices for orange juice…"_

"_And Peter Pettigrew's fifth cousin, thrice removed…"_

"_The Bucher..."_

"_The Baker…"_

"_The Candlestick maker's mosquito…"_

~!#$%^&*()_+~ END FLASHBACK ~!#$%^&*()__+~

"So who have we got left to kill… who else is evil?" asked Willow.

"HOLD UP!" shouted a voice.

"… umm… okay." Said Ella, holding up the Olympic Torch.

"No, we mean stop. We are CONFUSED. What just happened?" asked the voice.

"We… killed a bunch of evil people?" semi asked Willow.

"Who are you?" asked Ella.

"We're the readers." Said the voice.

"OHO! You want to talk to the author." Said Willow.

And the story was hereby transferred into the authors office.

"Okay readers, here's what's going on. At the start of chapter 13, the doctor got back from my office, this is what happened in the month he was gone." Said the Author.

"Month?" asked the readers.

"Yes well, I was very busy that month… anyway, you may recall Ella and Willow having killed an array of random evil people, and Ella complaining about not being able to kill Willow. This was a lie. An hallucination created in order to stop a paradox. This, my awesome readers, is what really happened." Said the Author in a mysteriously mysterious way.

And the story was hereby sent back to Ella and Willow in the TARDIS.

"Right, can we get on with it now?" asked Willow.

"Yep." Said the readers, grabbing some popcorn from Jo Jo the All Knowing Goats endless supply.

"Well lets see… who else do we know who is evil?" asked Ella.

And the editor declared thinking music.

"Well… we're kind of evil." Said Willow.

"True… very true… but we're evil in an awesome way…" said Ella.

"Still evil though…" said Willow.

"And we did kill a bunch of other evil people… kind of goes against the evil code of evil." Said Ella.

"So… how do you want to die?" asked Willow evilly and she and Ella walked outside of the TARDIS into the evil place.

"Well let's see... It's got to be original… and pretty awesome…" said Ella looking around.

"You know… I have an idea…" said Willow

And the author declared that this part of Ella and Willow convocation may not yet be revealed.

"Okay, this is going to be fun." Said Ella and she and Willow ran back into the TARDIS.

Then the TARDIS began to fly away to the exact point in time when the sun was about to explode.

"T minus 5 minutes until sun explosion." Said Ella.

Willow raised an eyebrow.

"… shut up, I've always wanted to say T minus something…"

"okay, anyway… locking TARDIS on to time and space co-ordinates of when the second sun of Clom imploded." Said Willow, clicking a few random buttons and looking all professional.

"Well… we have 4 minutes to live… technically." Said Ella, "What… should we do?"

And so Ella and Willow got a hat box full of Milko's and six bottles of the best orange juice in the world.

"I do believe this is the awesomest way to ever spend the last 4 minutes of one's life." Said Ella happily.

"He he he he, MILLLLLLLLLKOOOOOOO'S!" said Willow evilly.

~!#$%^&*()_+~ 3.5 MINUTES LATER ~!#$%^&*()_+~

"Okay, it be time." Said Ella getting up and opening the door of the TARDIS.

"Countdown?" Asked Willow.

"… nah, we've always been to lazy for countdowns… except when we're counting backwards from 10 in letters!" Said Ella, cackling evilly for no apparent reason.

And so the purple balloon and the green and orange bear on the shelf began to count backwards from 10 in letters.

"… J… I… H… G… F… E… D… C… B… A…"

And that's when Willow and Ella pressed the big purple button.

At the exact same time as the earths sun imploded, the TARDIS speed through time and space into the center of Cloms second sun just as it imploded.

And that was how Ella and Willow died.

~!#$%^&*()_+~

~!#$%^&*()_+~

"Erm… Willow… did it work?" asked Ella unsteadily.

"I don't know… do you feel dead?" asked Willow in a Davy Jones voice.

"Yes." Said Ella.

"But you're talking…" said Willow.

"So are you." Ella pointed out.

"…"

"IT WORKED!" shouted Ella happily.

"THE SUN EXPLODING.."

"AND THE SECOND SUN IMPLODING…"

"PARADOX!!" said Willow evilly.

"He he he he… we're undead." Said Ella as the TARDIS landed back in the evil place.

"MWAH HA HA HA." Said Willow.

And that's when the Doctor landed on his head on the TARDIS console.

A/N

I FINSHED A FAN FICTION

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Okay, so thanks to

THE AWESOMELY AWESOME PURPLEGOD, my beta and the editor! There will never be enough addictively awesome milko's in the world to repay you xD

DramaQueen321 aka. Sara. It was fun to trick you into thinking many things about this story. Ah, good times.

THE READERS

THANKS SO SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR READING

And to anyone reading this is the future, YAY PEOPLE ARE STILL READING MY STORY

Leave a review for me, I don't care if its an hour after I've posted or a year, I'll still love the review xDD

Bye bye all.

~ LilyRose xD


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